Anyway, some of you are wondering why I've been pensive and what it is that I've been pondering. There are two things. The first one has been solved, and it's good news.
1. For a loooooong time, I've been anxious about the Verano housing assistant position. I have applied for this position 4 times, and we had to wait a long time for the hiring committee to make a decision. Meanwhile, we heard rumors and strange things, and we (Bridge, Michelle, and me mainly) came up with radical theories and conjectures about what the heck was going on. Anyway, long story short, after many moons of restless nights, I received the glorious news yesterday that I GOT A POSITION! Yes, it's true, I am the next housing assistant extraordinaire. I have a lot to live up to though...
2. Secondly, I have a good friend from college named Alicia. Her husband John has been fighting cancer for over a year. Last September, they didn't expect him to live more than 4-6 months. (He was only 31, mind you). Then in December, they said that after 4 weeks of radiation, he'd be cancer-free. Then, in early March, they said the cancer was back and was growing. He also had pneumonia and because his white blood cell count was so low from the chemo, he couldn't fight the pneumonia. We were told by Alicia to pray for a miracle. Last Saturday, we heard the news that he was given a matter of hours to live. He held for another 40 hours before he died early Monday morning. Alicia, aged 28, is now a widow and single mother of a 3-yr old girl.
The worst part of it is that she's already lost 2 children as well. This woman has been through more tragedy and attack than most of us will experience in a life-time. Imagine two children and a husband dying! I can't help but question God in these days. Why give Alicia false hope in December that John would be well again? Why take him at all? Why "Job" her like that by taking so many loved ones?
Somewhere in the back of my head, I know that God knows what he's doing, that he's in control, that he "works all things together for the good of those who love him," (Romans 8:28). But in my heart, which is broken for my friend who is suffering such tragedy, I can't help but wonder. Don't worry, I'm not losing my faith; I 'm not angry at God. I'm simply shaking my head thinking "Why? I just don't get it."
John is in a better place, in Heaven with God and with Jack and Rainee, his two lost children. I imagined him arriving in Heaven on Monday morning, in no more pain, his body perfect, seeing Rainee and Jack and running to them, picking them up, and embracing them, holding them for an eternity because time means nothing to him now. He can look back over his shoulder, see Alicia weeping, and says to her, "Don't cry for me. I'm happy now. I'm with Jesus."
Great, I'm crying now.